And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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