Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
