I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
