No awkward lesbian experiences without me
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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