So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
