sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Randomize