Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
