please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Just high enough for therapy.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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