You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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