I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Randomize
