he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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