It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
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