Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
