I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
