Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
