Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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