No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
