It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
