If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
