I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
