somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
