So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
