So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
home. puking in laundry basket.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
