that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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