I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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