He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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