I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
