I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Randomize
