i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize