I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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