Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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