I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
