Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
