Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
my poor anus
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Randomize
