How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
