the condom got lost in my hair
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
