this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
