dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I need a beard to bite.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize