we were pretty classy up until the second keg
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
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