btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
