dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
