I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
