On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
