i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
