I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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