I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
