The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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