I puked a lego.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Randomize
