Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I understand Curling. That high.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
