So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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