I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize