is your mom at the bar?
if you like me you must not know who I am
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
We had to coat check the pizza.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
