so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
