I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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