how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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