We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Randomize
