hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
