Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
