Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
you win again, gameday.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
