He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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