like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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