the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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