I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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